Category: Education

#Classroom Community, Child Development, Creating a Community, Education, Teamwork

What we don’t know or understand…

Kristine Barberio

Recently we have been doing a Social Justice Issues unit and have moved into Social Justice Issues Book Clubs.  My topic to plan for the team was Mental Health and Bullying.  I found an amazing anchor text “Dear Bully: 70 Authors Tell Their Story”  by Meghan Kelley Hall and Carrie Jones.  This text is a compilation of short non-fiction stories, poems, and thoughts from famous authors who either have been bullied, were the bullies, and/or watched the bullying.  In our LIVE classes, we have been doing a variety of activities looking at bullying, its impact on mental health, and understanding the mental health issues people face.  To say that our conversations have been powerful would be an understatement.  

What I was not prepared for in my smug, 18th year in Education mindset was one of those moments where I realized how very little we truly know and understand about THIS current generation’s experiences with bullying and mental health.  It all hit me when one student shared a statement in the chat that was immediately echoed by multiple students…

“Every time the notification alarm rings on my phone I am terrified because I don’t know what else someone has said about me.”

I have been unable to get those words out of my head, along with many other topics of conversation and issues that emerged from those conversations.  I was aghast to realize that our children are living in fear of their phone or device because the prevalence of something negative being said was so high.  I told them “You should never be this afraid of anything and if you are living your life this way ask for help from me, parents, school counselor, and let’s get this turned around.”  But, that sentiment, while true, did not even begin to address what those kids had shared in those conversations.  

It was a startling reminder that there is a world that we do not fully know or understand that our kids are living in without the right tools.  Now, what are the right tools?  I don’t have those answers yet – but I am now working on what could be next to help our kids.  I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas to move things forward.  

You see, I pride myself on the relationships I build with my students, with understanding their struggles and challenges, and with providing a strong positive role model who believes in them.  That is something I strive to do and be every day.  However, none of that matters, if I don’t fully understand their experience and what they actually need to thrive in it.  So, all growth begins with reflection and learning…here is what I have discovered so far:

  1. In one of the videos I shared with students the boy who created the video as a response to his own bullying he shared that his dad had said “In my day, bullying ended at 3:30 when you made it home.”  The boy replied “In our world it is 24/7 and you can’t escape it”.  Our kids live in an online environment IN ADDITION to the in-person culture we are so much more familiar with.  This idea that they don’t have a respite or the tools to create one for themselves is a mind blowing concept we need to face.  No child should live in terror of their device and what newest horrors it might bring.
  2. Over and over they repeated that they don’t think the adults will help (most cite multiple experiences of teachers dismissing, minimizing, or ignoring completely bullying and unkind behavior).  They also said, much to my shock, that the well meaning adults who do try to help often make it worse behind the scenes creating a bigger target on their back from the bullies.  There was an overwhelming sense of aloneness in their perspective on unkind and bullying behavior.
  3. They simply had never really considered any real tools they could use to control their own experience with the negativity.  We discussed things like picking your friends carefully, removing negative friends from your life with kindness, deleting social media accounts and/or blocking negative people, blocking the numbers of people who text unkind things, and simply putting away the device and refusing to read it.  It is clear to me that the excellent cyberbullying and bullying curriculums out there are not meeting their needs.  It seems theoretical vs. practical to them.
  4. Many do not feel a sense of authentic self.  Now, this blog is called authentic teaching for a very specific reason.  I learned through years of therapy and work, that the one superpower all of us have is being utterly authentic and truthful to OURSELVES.  In living, working, teaching, parenting, being a friend…AUTHENTICITY gives us the ability to succeed and make a real impact on those around us.  It is ALWAYS when I am not being true to myself that things fall apart.  We discussed at length the need to make sure you feel good about you as the best antidote to the negative environments.  If you love yourself, you simply won’t tolerate environments that tear you down.  I always tell students one of my rules is “I don’t hang out with people who are mean to me or others.”.  I will always be polite and kind to you and I am very forgiving of the bad moments we all have.  But consistent meanness and unkindness, I am not going to be a part of that.  
  5. Mental Health has got to be addressed in a much more significant and accessible way.  There has been a lot of discussion of the mental health crisis that children and teens (and adults) have faced during the Pandemic.  What has NOT been discussed is funding more school counselors, social workers, psychologists, and other mental health support professionals.  What has NOT been discussed is the stigma of mental health support for kids and teens still exists and is the predominate way parents raise their kids.  Every parent wants to believe their child is just going through something “normal” for their age group and dismiss mental health needs like anxiety and depression which affect 1 in 4 Americans as something that “crazy” people have.  There was no doubt in our conversations that mental health and bullying go hand in hand.  All bullies have some form of a mental health need.  Those being bullied are significantly at higher risk for suicide, depression, anxiety, frequent school absences, and resorting to gun or other violence in response to their fear.  If we do not stop acting as though mental health needs are for somebody else’s kids…we will continue to see this crisis in our youth.  If we do not fully FUND AND STAFF our schools with the recommended ratio of mental health and community support staff to students per the recommendations, we will continue to not have an adequate support network for our kids.  

So, now what?  

The steep learning curve I found through these conversations leaves me feeling scared, anxious, and determined to figure out how I can improve as a parent and an educator.  I am well aware of my utter lack of answers…but committed to finding some.  It’s okay that we don’t fully understand or know what our kids are going through if we are brave enough to admit that we DON’T know and understand.  If we are willing to start seeking knowledge, understanding, and being willing to have some tough conversations. 

The very first thing I did after that student comment that shook me, was to talk to my kids on our afternoon walk.  When I told them what we had discussed, each had a distinct reaction that absolutely matched their personalities.  My oldest shrugged and said it had never happened to him and that he just wouldn’t continue in an environment or with friends who acted like this.  My middle child immediately discussed an instagram post of over a year ago that had been met with some comments from buddies that were teasingly unkind.  He clearly had carried those 3 little comments in his heart while acting like it didn’t matter.  My youngest wants to see the good in everyone and she brought up situations as “they were just being funny” or “it wasn’t her it was her friend that pranked me”.  Their responses echoed the conversations I had with my students and made me realize in our hectic day to day lives that maybe I am not stopping to ask them enough or the right questions. 

I also reminded myself that in these powerful conversations there was a group of kids who DID have the tools and WERE able to navigate these rough waters.  Advice they gave each other was:

  • Make your own tight circle and be careful who you let in it
  • If you can’t find nice friends, be comfortable being with yourself and your family
  • Be true to yourself and never let anybody tell you who you are
  • Sometimes you just have to pick different friends and let bad influences go

There were also kids who were navigating different waters like being ignored completely by peers and feeling really alone or feeling that personal situations were more significantly impacting their life than any issues with peers.  

All of this information can help us do a couple of things as we begin to move this conversation forward:

  1. Talk to your own children, your students, and other educators about this issue.
  2. LISTEN and start finding different ways to approach this issue.
  3. THINK about the culture of your classroom – are you one of those teachers letting unkindness be the “norm”?  Here are some previous posts of mine about resetting classroom community. https://authenticteaching.blog/2019/08/02/you-wont-get-the-wows-if-you-dont-know-the-hows/  https://authenticteaching.blog/2019/10/06/beneath-the-iceberg/
  4. ADVOCATE – Educate yourself and then communicate, vote, and implement changes in your own homes and in school.  

We have the power to grow and learn.  We have the power to turn the challenges of this last year into something that moves our nation forward and our educational system forward in a new direction.  We have the ability to make a difference.  The beginning of any new journey or adventure is acknowledging what you DON’T know or understand and seeking knowledge.  After all, isn’t that what education is all about?  

On a separate note – I always feel that when things can seem a bit bleak – a good short term fix is chocolate.  So, if after reading this post – you need a little chocolate pick me up…here is the most delish chocolate banana muffin recipe….Enjoy!   

#Classroom Community, Behavior Management, Class Meeting, Creating a Community, Distance Learning, Education

Get to know them…

Kristine Barberio

Virtual learning, hybrid learning, synchronous/asynchronous, and all the other buzzwords and names about this unprecedented time in American education do not even begin to explain the complete revamping all educators have had to do over this last year. For some, this year has shaken them to their foundation. For others, it has been a renewed perspective and a shot of adrenaline as they were unceremoniously kicked out of any teaching rut they were in. Many have left education to maintain their own personal health, sanity, or both.

What has remained true is that successful teachers build relationships with their students.

My teenage middle school son and I were on a walk the other day (thank goodness for some outdoor time) and I asked him which of his teachers he felt had done the best last year and this year in distance/virtual learning. His answer completely shocked me. The reason why it shocked me is my son’s personality…he is a kid who does not often and freely talk about “touchy feely” stuff. He has the biggest heart and loves deeply, but any big warm fuzzy emotional displays seem to just annoy him. His response was “I think the teacher who has done the best is the one who wants to get to know us. She spends the first 5 minutes of class everyday asking us how we are and what has been happening in our lives.” Jaw. Drop.

It was a stark reminder that while there are a million different ways to approach this crazy time in education, there is one truth that remains unchanged. Students respond to teachers who care about them and build relationships; which is infinitely more challenging in a virtual classroom environment. Now, after I patted myself on the back for asking my students every day for the first five minutes how they are and casually chatting (WHEW…met the middle school boy criteria), I realized that building relationships is something we all can do even at this point in the year. Here are some great ideas from my own classroom and from what my friends and colleagues in education have done:

  • Be authentic – Any relationship that works is based on being authentic. With your students, admit the truth (appropriately) and share the joys and challenges with them authentically.
  • Don’t forget the FUN – Spirit Days, Classroom contests, Fun Friday (every Friday I have a LIVE fun event for any student I teach – we do trivia, escape rooms, we even played Yahtzee virtually), create Tik Tok videos, anything to create a school and classroom culture will build those important memories and relationships our kids need. .
  • Be genuinely excited about learning – Perseverance Rover just landed on the moon and you are excited, Amanda Gorman blew your mind at the Inauguration, or whatever you find amazing SHARE IT WITH YOUR STUDENTS – right now our kids need us to be EXCITED about learning. This is when shifting the lesson plans or pacing guides to find ways to share and celebrate learning is so essential. My daughter’s teacher got her so pumped about the bones of the body (all done virtually) that she was creating songs, making movable finger puppets…of the fingers and generally getting my daughter excited about bones.
  • Open the doors of communication – There are simply too many free and easy to use ways to keep the lines of communication open with your students – Flipgrid – I have one always open where kids can record a video letting me know what is happening, Google or Microsoft form surveys/check ins, email, and my new favorite parent communication tool – Talking Points (this is an app like remind that translates both ways – parent to you and you to parent in dozens of languages. I have found because it is on people’s phone as a text I get a ton of communication and it is super easy for me to respond.)
  • Get Creative – I keep looking for ways to solve problems my students are having in creative and new ways. This year I have done a 100’s Club for students who complete 100% of their work on time each week, Peer Squads where students can meet in small groups virtually and work together, and just recently I reintroduced Genius Hour to motivate students to get their work done and challenge my kids who are needing a push. Enjoy these freebies of those programs! I have seen teachers pretend to be “the Hamburglar” and steal student’s great paragraphs in writing only to be replaced with a candy hamburger. Your kids need to feel genuinely excited to see you – so get creative.
  • Don’t lessen the expectations too far – We have all had to adjust to the amount of work students will actually complete, the kind of work they can do independently, and what barriers students will have to getting their work done. We all understand it would be very different in our “old” pre-pandemic classrooms. But our kids need to know, we believe in them and expect them to achieve. They need to know we still care about their behavior and community interactions. I am still holding virtual class meetings, creating group norms, meeting with students that are struggling virtually, and making sure I let them know that I know and expect that they can do this.
  • Change your mindset – I have seen consistently that educators who have flipped their thinking from the negative, this is so hard, look at what we are missing mindset to a what CAN I do that will work and be successful mindset are doing some amazing things.

All of us need to feel connected right now. Connected to each other even when we are unable to hug, hang out, or comfort each other in person.

Our kids need that connection – even surly teenagers who might act like they don’t care. So, make today a renewed commitment for the end of this school year (YEP – it IS going to end, we ARE going to be back in school someday like it used to be) that you are going to build relationships with your students. Because, after this is all over and our kids remember this time where the world stopped spinning – will they remember the lesson you taught, the test you gave, or the plans you made or will they remember that you got to know them?

Make that decision today…our kids need YOU!

#Classroom Community, Creating a Community, Distance Learning, Education, Self Care, Wellness

Make your own headline

Kristine Barberio

Stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, scared, disillusioned, divided…I have seen or heard so many people share these emotions since school began. There is no doubt that the start of this school year has put educators, students, and parents in a situation that offers no easy answers. There is argument about the school model (full time, hybrid, distance learning), the amount of work assigned (too much, too little), the way teachers present the material, the live on-line learning model and platform, the parent’s role in supporting their child’s learning at home, and on and on and on.

All of this has made too many of us turn on each other. Every group is critical of the intentions, performance, expectations, and style of the other. It is enough to make all of us throw up our hands and admit defeat. This is simply not working.

Then, you look up from your frustration to see a nation in utter chaos and it seems hopeless.

Each one of us has a choice in this moment. A choice to be part of the solution instead of adding to the problem. Each one of us has a choice to make our own headlines.

(original article link from Aleteia https://www.google.com/amp/s/aleteia.org/2020/06/29/87-year-old-man-rewrites-news-headlines-for-2020-and-inspires-us-all/amp/ )

I read this on social media a few weeks ago and the thought has been swirling around my brain – we ALL need to make our own headlines – every day, in every way that we can. Here are the headlines I want all of us to see right now!

  • September is for learning how we learn together – give it time… we will all get there.
  • Teachers give their best and learn from their challenges – be their biggest supporters.
  • Parents give their kids tools to be successful and overcome challenges.
  • School is teachers teaching and students learning – not a physical place or a specific format.
  • Be your best, give yourself grace, and make it work.
  • School becomes fun when we build a community together.
  • Everybody is going through a struggle you know nothing about…be KIND always.

What headlines have you been making over the last week? Negative, destructive, and divisive ones or positive, supportive, and encouraging ones? It is the time for all of us to choose our own daily headlines and stay focused on making the 2020/2021 school year great. Yes, we can make this year work, if we get out of our negative, divisive, way of thinking and move forward with making it the best it can be….wherever, however, and whatever happens. Choose to write daily headlines that make your life better and the lives of the people around you better. That is the real power each one of us has to make this year a good school year for our children, our educators, and ourselves….no matter what.

# Professional Development, Creating a Community, Distance Learning, Education, Self Care, Wellness

Being a Teachrent…

Kristine Barberio

All of us in the world juggle many different hats. Educators are no different…we juggle our job, our relationships, our responsibilities, our interests and joys, and if we are parents, our own children. During this time of Distance or Hybrid Learning, so full of fears, questions, challenges, and joys (yes there are joys); educators are stuck in this challenging space between being Teachers and Parents. So, I made up a new word – Teachrent…sounded better than Pareacher to me…feel free to comment.

A teachrent is an educator who has two sets of “children”, their school kids and their own children. This dual role is so challenging to manage. Now, all working parents feel this push between their own job responsibilities and their children. But, for an educator it is especially hard. There is a constant ebb and flow of feeling like you are giving one group of your “kids” more of your time and energy than the other. During remote learning, it is even more challenging feeling like you have your own children at home with you who need you AND your school kids at their homes who need you. This can feel utterly overwhelming. Then, you add on the abject fear of bringing home a deadly disease and add those onto your many responsibilities, and you have the Teachrent…. which often feels like an utterly impossible role.

So – what is a Teachrent to do?? Here are some helpful suggestions from my own successes AND failures.

  1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST – I know…I can hear many of you laughing (or crying) right now at the absurdity of that statement. But, without a doubt, self-care is your best weapon. Sleep, rest, eating well, exercising, taking care of your mental and physical health needs…essential. Check out this post from last year that addresses this: https://authenticteaching.blog/2019/08/25/preaching-and-trying-to-practice/
  2. Ask for and use the help around you – We are so blessed to have a tribe of people willing to support our children. My secret weapon in distance learning – the grandparents! If you don’t have seniors in your life able to support, connect with a local seniors home, church members, retired teachers, etc. Seniors are often “stuck” at home during this time and with the magic of about a dozen different live video chat options, they can support your children with their schoolwork. Regardless of their physical location, they can check in daily with your personal children to support. We share our emails from the teacher, give access to the student platforms, and let them work directly with helping our kids. What a gift! Beyond this, we have long term close family friends willing to help with check ins and support. This is easier if we all work together.
  3. Play to your strengths – The biggest mistake I see educators making PERIOD during distance learning is to try to do things to match a specific district or admin. direction or expectation. The BEST thing you can do for yourself is make your on line and in person (if your district is in a hybrid model) work for YOU! If your students and parents are happy and engaged, that is success for everyone. Really take some time to reflect on what would a successful classroom look like in THIS weird time and make that classroom happen. You have to give up any preconceived ideas of what your kids “should” be doing and/or how you have always done it…but it you visualize what is authentic to you in THIS kind of school you will make it happen.
  4. Set some boundaries – Distance Learning is just too easy to be “live” as a teacher 24 hours a day. Make rules for yourself of when you are going to work and when you are going to be a parent (or spouse, daughter, etc.). The work is NOT going anywhere, but your children are growing every day. The GIFT of distance learning for a parent is unprecedented time with your children. Treasure and honor that gift by setting boundaries and accepting what you CAN do in the time you have set aside to work (even if it isn’t perfect).
  5. Foster a positive mindset – This is so unbelievably hard in this time. Watch the news, read social media, listen to the comments people are making about teachers – that is enough to shake the strongest of faith. So, purposefully and intentionally look for the good AND be the good. https://authenticteaching.blog/2020/07/09/angels-among-us/
  6. Work as a team – What teacher do you know who is not a control freak? It is just too easy to want it “your” way and not work as a unit. YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER IF YOU WORK AS A TEAM AND FOSTER RELATIONSHIPS. https://authenticteaching.blog/2019/08/06/banana-bread-bribery/
  7. Have Fun! – I just heard the gasps…how in the world can this? this…be fun? Well – like anything else, fun is something we CHOOSE. EVEN if this insane time, choose to have fun with your colleagues, your students, your children, your families…because FUN makes this all better. Here are some great ideas: https://www.hollyclark.org/2020/04/21/virtual-learning-ideas/ https://jakemiller.net/ways-to-keep-remote-learning-fun-for-students/
  8. Release control and take control – Ultimately, everything in our life is on some level out of our control…except our response to it. Give yourself the gift of letting go of trying to control it all and take control of your response.
  9. Allow yourself and both sets of your kids to REST – Sometimes, life can be simplified, by just accepting that what IS possible may not meet our expectations or vision. REST is essential for all of us, so allow some down time, lessen the load, or just give yourself a break so that you can do what is possible. https://authenticteaching.blog/2020/03/09/no-rest-for-the-weary/
  10. Use the tools available – We are living in an unprecedented time of ACCESS via technology tools. USE THEM! Feel unsure – go find that teacher in your school who gets how to use these, watch some videos, and/or experiment with them.
  • EdPuzzle – recording your lessons…kids not watching them? Create an EdPuzzle that puts in questions they have to answer before continuing in the video. This FREE program aligns with almost every platform (Google Classroom, Microsoft TEAMS, CANVAS, etc.)
  • Nearpod – A spectacular way to have kids in a live distance class sharing their thoughts. They have FREE Nearpods premade or you can make your own easily on so many topics. Now with new features including an “EdPuzzle” like feature, collaborations with Flocabulary, and so much more.
  • Flipgrid – Wonderful for younger students especially to share their hand written work and explain their thinking. This tool allows video responses of up to 10 minutes with an easy click of a button.
  • Actively Learn – fantastic high interest and timely reading passages in every genre, structure by genre, unit, grade level, and/or lexile level.
  • What are your favorites? Comment below to add on to the list.

YOU…are a TEACHRENT. That is a wonderful gift and tremendous responsibility. Allow yourself the grace to do this job…with the best you have at that time. All you are capable of being, is what you know how to do right now…and THAT, that is enough. You are enough!

# Professional Development, Distance Learning, Education, Self Care, Uncategorized, Wellness

Our Greatest Fear

Kristine Barberio

Fear…the silent force lurking underneath so many of our choices, actions, and reactions. Right now, is a time of tremendous fear as we watch our nation grapple with so many issues. As we begin the 2020/2021 school year, I don’t think I have EVER seen a time of such tremendous fear regarding the return to school. Fear that we will go back, won’t go back, will go back part time, will make educators return, on and on and on….

Personally, it is so easy to be demoralized as an educator. In the Spring, educators were hailed as heroes worth million of dollars for educating kids. Now, they are perceived as whiners unwilling to return to work. The message has been sent at every level that educators are expendable. Schools place the blame squarely on the shoulders of educators for why they are moving to remote learning.

Some educators feel total frustration with trying to educate in a distance learning model. Some educators are terrified to be in person instruction. Some know that they will not be able to maintain the safety environment expected and that they will be held accountable for a system that is impossible to maintain without resources, support, and frankly, perfect children (which don’t exist).

We educators begin to wonder why I am doing this? Am I making any difference? Why do people refuse to treat me as a skilled professional deserving of respect for my expertise? Why are we expendable? What about my own family?

I was listening to the Michelle Obama podcast on Spotify (highly recommended) and I had an epiphany to my own fears that made me reframe my thinking and get ready to wade back into battle for myself, my family, my students, and the educational process as a whole. Here are the truths I discovered:

(1) YOU – educator, bus driver, assistant, cafeteria – you probably have been directly responsible for changing and possibly saving the life of a child. I often discount the impact I have made on the lives of my students. I brush off the compliments out of habit of downplaying myself. But, this impact is a gift! A gift that I need to marvel at for its wonder. Me…in all my messiness…has made a difference. You have made a difference and that matters.

(2) We not only have the right to speak up…we have the obligation to speak up for what is right. As a group, educators are capable of changing the conversation of return to school, safety measures, funding for schools, lessons we can learn from distance learning about what is broken in schools and what we want to see happen.

(3) Each of us has the power to decide what is true, what is right for ourselves. Being a teacher can often feel like we are on a hamster wheel running in circles with no change. We have choices…even when we don’t see them. Many teachers have left the profession rather than put their families at risk and are tutoring, moving into other fields, or allow themselves to put their focus back on their family. Whatever we choose, we have the RIGHT to choose it. Fears…financial, emotional, or peer pressure can make us feel like there is not a choice. But there is ALWAYS a choice we can make to be authentically true to ourselves if we just take a step forward out of fear.

As we enter this time in education that is wrought with fear…take a breath and remind yourself that YOU are powerful beyond measure. YOU are capable of anything you set your mind to. After all, you wrangle a group of 20, 30 kids into sitting still and learning on a regular basis. You’ve GOT this!

So – if you are not sure you have the courage to face your fear…here are some pretty inspirational stories of facing fear to get you motivated.

An educator advocates for a district to move to remote learning with a board unwilling to even listen to concerns. Her emotional response lights a fire for others – video at the bottom of notes from the chalkboard blog post. http://notesfromthechalkboard.com/2020/08/05/covid-fears-of-union-county-educators-fall-on-deaf-ears-at-board-meeting/

Inspirational Nike commercial – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4dDs0T7sM

Facing Fear video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnrogLw6SOQ

Character Education, Distance Learning, Education, Self Care, Wellness

Angels among us

Kristine Barberio

In my lifetime, if ever there was a time that seemed hopeless, we are living in it. Pandemic, facing the ugly reality of systemic racism in our nation, economic crisis, corrupt leadership, people turning on other people over big and small issues, uncertainty for our children, ourselves, our future…these and the regular every day struggles we all face contribute to a time where hopelessness can run rampant. How do we look at a time like this and find hope that there can and will be something better?

I have realized recently through a string of “angel meetings” that we need to look for the angels among us and BECOME the angels among us.

You see, while this time we are in seems so dark, America and our world has faced darkness much greater than this before. We have seen the worst of humanity and risen from the ashes. In each of these dark times, HOPE comes through us…through angels known and unknown who provide the light. Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor, author, and leader, is an example of the power of angels. He describes in Night how people made a difference in his darkest hour and he found hope. Watch this video that speaks to light right now in our world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keLT6bp7wok

Recently, I had someone who I have never met in person, advocate for me. This person went above and beyond to tell me that I had value and importance and he DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME. I realized that he was an angel in my life…a bringer of hope…and he may never even know it.

On social media recently, a post was shared by a woman in deep despair over the state of our nation. She asked how she could keep hope up in the face of the tidal wave negativity, arguing, and lack of basic human values. I responded and in the course of answering, a story of my grandmother emerged surprising me with its lesson.

My grandmother, Grace, was the most remarkable human I have ever met. Kind, hilarious, smart, and someone who rose beyond her times with no explanation as to why. Born the daughter of a wealthy rice farmer on the bayous of Louisiana in turn of the century America, she was a product of a segregated and highly racist time. Over and over, Grace, defied this upbringing to reach out to others and treat each person as a child of God. In the early 1970’s, in rural Arkansas, Grace was the local Methodist minister’s wife. She discovered that a family from Vietnam, refugees of the war, had moved into their tiny town. They were not welcomed. Except by Grace…who in her country folk, no nonsense way, took them in as her “family” and did all she knew how to do to help them survive and thrive. Our family knows this story and Lam’s family knows this story…but this tale is not in any history book or known and YET…she was an angel for that family and an example for her own. The world was BETTER because of her actions and kindness.

This is the embodiment of hope in times of darkness. Can you imagine the fear and isolation this family felt fleeing their home in danger of death to land in a foreign world where they were not wanted? My grandmother must have seemed like a little bright spot of hope in the darkest night.

So now the question becomes, are you willing to be an angel for someone else?

Years ago, I became obsessed with an author, Robert Fulghum, who had written a bestseller called All I ever needed to know I learned in Kindergarten (which is still a phenomenal book and would be a powerful read in these times). In one of his other books, It was on fire when I lay down on it he wrote a story about the meaning of life that forever altered the course of my life. Here is an excerpt from http://hackingchristianity.net/2013/07/the-meaning-of-life.html

A story is told by Robert Fulghum, a Unitarian minister, about a seminar he once attended in Greece.

On the last day of the conference, the discussion leader walked over to the bright light of an open window and looked out. Then he asked if there were any questions.

Fulghum laughingly asked him what was the meaning of life. Everyone in attendance laughed and stirred to leave. However, the leader held up his hand to ask for silence and then responded “I will answer your question.”

He took his wallet out of his pocket and removed a small round mirror about the size of a quarter. Then he explained:

When I was a small child during World War II, we were very poor and we lived in a remote village. One day on the road, I found the broken pieces of a mirror. A German motorcycle had been wrecked in that place. I tried to find all the pieces and put them together, but it was not possible, so I kept the largest piece. This one. And by scratching it on a stone, I made it round.

I began to play with it as a toy and became fascinated by the fact that I could reflect light into dark places where the sun could never shine. It became a game for me to get light into the most inaccessible places that I could find. I kept the little mirror, and as I grew up, I would take it out at idle moments and continue the challenge of the game.

As I became a man, I grew to understand that this was not just a child’s game, but a metaphor of what I could do with my life. I came to understand that I am not the light or the source of the light. But light – be it truth or understanding or knowledge – is there, and it will only shine in many dark places if I reflect it.

I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know. Nevertheless, with what I have, I can reflect light into the dark places of this world – into the dark places of human hearts – and change some things in some people. Perhaps others seeing it happen will do likewise. This is what I am about. This is the meaning of my life.

Right now…we must reflect the light. We must do our part to reflect that light into the darkest corners of our world. So, I leave you with 3 thoughts:

1. Are your actions reflecting light and bringing hope?

2. Are you looking for the angels around you with the same focus as you look for the darkness?

3. Are you being an angel in your world?

All of us…all of us…need to make this time about spreading light. You’ve got a job to do…so strap on your wings.

Character Education, Child Development, diverse learning, Education

Let’s Keep Talking

Kristine Barberio

My last post was about my struggle to know what to say in the tumultuous times our nation is going through. As I worked through that issue and found ways to spread kindness, respect, and empathy…I realized the power of talking. There are some really tough conversations going on in America today…AND THEY ARE ESSENTIAL. We have spent a long time struggling to discuss tough issues and it has made us separate to our corners, pointing fingers, and refusing to compromise. As we look at our children and the world we want them to inherit (in not very long), THAT is not my dream for them. Let’s find ways to keep talking to create a better world for our kids and students to move into.

I have been a part of a couple of conversations this last week that highlight the need for these conversations. The first is with a group of friends who are always in each other’s corners. This group has held each other up through personal, work, and a variety of other struggles. We are super diverse and different but always supportive. As we discussed the protests, I saw the unique perspective of the police officers and their spouses. These conversations allowed us to all learn from each other the challenges, fears, and commonalities that exist in a world altering issue like systemic racism. We listened to each other, learned from each other, and still loved each other even if our viewpoints were not exactly alike.

The next conversation took me utterly by surprise. I was at Target the day after our big 5th grade end of year all day event. I was end of year teacher tired…which means utterly exhausted. I was at the register with a relatively new employee that I think is super nice and fast (always a plus)…who also happened to be an African American young man. I began asking him how his day was, how busy it was…babbling his ear off like usual. Then, I moved into discussing masks and how it seemed more people had them on this week which surprised me as so many people are refusing to follow social distancing state guidelines. Out of this, and I am not sure how, we began discussing the protests. He said he felt like these protests felt different and hoped it would bring real change. I told him (while crying just to amp up the embarrassment level) that for me the difference was when George Floyd called out for his mother. I felt like that moment crossed all boundaries and made EVERY mother who heard it understand our common humanity. It made me want to reach out and be there for him. I explained that I thought many mamas had felt the same way. I then apologized both for crying and going on and on, told him I was an exhausted teacher, and he looked at me and smiled. He said his mom is a teacher and he totally understood. As I went to leave, I turned and said “I hope you have a great day and sorry again…” He looked at me and quietly said “This conversation has been the highlight of my day.” Sobbing…I said “mine, too.”

Both of these examples made me feel uncomfortable, scared, worried of offending others, unsure of what was right to say, and left me feeling that I was both helping to spread and gaining understanding. I am sure the other people in these conversations felt some of the same feelings. But discomfort aside, we decided to keep talking. I have seen many articles that discuss the absolute REQUIREMENT that educators lead the way in opening these challenging conversations and begin helping our students change the world and learn from our mistakes. As a parent, there is the same requirement, to educate your kids on the tough issues…the ones without a simple solution. As educators, let us lead the way in fostering conversations that encourage the development of disagreeing without arguing and compromising without criticizing. The whole wide world may just depend on our ability to keep talking.

Here is a great set of steps from https://www.google.com/amp/s/brandyouinc.org/2013/06/01/5-steps-to-prepare-for-a-crucial-conversation/amp/

Here are some resources and examples of some powerful tools to use for yourself, with your students, and/or with your own family. Please add some of your own in the comment area:

For adults:

Resources to support children as an educator and/or parent:

Books, Character Education, Creating a Community, Distance Learning, Education, Leadership, Reading, Self Care, Teamwork, Wellness

I don’t know what to say…

Kristine Barberio

Anybody who knows me personally, knows this is an extremely rare phrase to come out of my mouth. Generally, I always know what to say, or think I do, or just say something regardless… I am a talker!

Right now though, I find myself not knowing what to say. I don’t know what to say to my own children, my family, my students, my friends and co-workers, my friends on social media, and to myself. We are in such unprecedented times. Right now – we are experiencing a global health pandemic on a scale I have never seen in my lifetime. Right now – America is the most divided, bitter, and angry nation I have ever known. Right now – the legacy of racism in America continues to rear its ugly head forcing all of us to determine what we will do to change this crisis. Right now – we see corruption, dishonesty, and plain unkindness as the norm…just another day at the office.

I don’t know what to say in response to all of this. So, I try to share my thoughts with meaningful social media posts that focus on spreading honesty and goodness. I try to teach my children and my students the value of each and every human being regardless of color, creed, background, or any other unique attribute. I try to live a life where my actions match my faith and values. But…sometimes it all seems woefully inadequate, like I am a tiny pebble in a giant pond.

Then, I remember… I AM a tiny pebble in a giant pond. That is what I need to say… Let me explain.

One of my favorite read aloud books is Each Kindness by Jacqueline Woodson. The book is about how every thing we do creates ripples out into the world. Unkindness, denial, participation in the bitterness they spread like ripples in a pond. But kindness, love, care, empathy, courage, and hope spread too. Here is a video of the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlNgYno4W14

At the start of every year, I read this book to my class and we discuss the way we treat each other. They are always horrified that the story doesn’t have a happy ending…that it doesn’t end well. I explain that too often, our unkindness, simply can’t be taken back. Words said cannot be unsaid. Mean actions cannot be taken back. But, we can learn from them…we can do better.

So, here is what I want to say that I hope will ripple out into the world. Our actions matter. We are part of a global community of humans. We are part of a fabric woven together and our responsibility is to each other.

As educators, we have a pivotal role in dropping little pebbles and trying to get our students to keep spreading the ripples. Whether we are in distance learning, in a classroom, or some other version of school we are unable to imagine right now, we have to spread what is good. So focus your teaching beyond your subject onto these things:

  • Being good human beings.
  • Creating curious and open minded students of life
  • Fostering a sense of Ubuntu (I am because you are).
  • Teaching history – where we have come from, the mistakes that have been made, and the lessons that can be learned.
  • Your role in your family, community, nation, and world – they must be active participants in making the world better.
  • The values of disagreeing and challenging each other with RESPECT while continuing to learn from each other.

So, in these times that seem overwhelming, and you just don’t know what to say that could make any of it better… remember the ripple you can make by your actions both positive and negative. I wish I had better words to say to people about these horrible situations we find our nation in. I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I don’t. So, I am going to focus on saying things and THINKing. This poster is in many classrooms, but really needs to be said right now in today’s world. Before I speak… is what I am saying true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind. If we all THINK – we will send out some pretty powerful ripples. That is the best thing we can say when we don’t know what to say.

Character Education, Distance Learning, Education, Self Care, Teamwork, Wellness

The Kindness Battle

Kristine Barberio

I just keep hearing a voice inside my head saying “It’s all about the kindness.” Now, this may be a sign I’ve been in quarantine too long since I am hearing voices! OR, it may be the voice of something higher than me reminding me there is a battle happening right now and kindness is the weapon. That is an odd way to refer to kindness, as a weapon. It is the antithesis of the very meaning of the word. Let me explain.

On the news right now we are bombarded by images and sounds of really unkind and frankly, scary people in leadership, in our communities, in our world.

Americans turning on each other because one man fans the flames of hate and discord hiding behind a mask of righteousness while serving only himself.

On social media, it is too easy to participate in the behind the screen bravery that allows us to be unkind.

With our education leaders, administrators, parents, co-workers, and even students, we are hearing negative, critical voices saying that what we are doing is not enough, not correct, can’t continue, not effective.

Within our own families and the families of our students, we know there is negativity that comes from the endless cycle of “togetherness” where siblings, couples, parents are all tired of each other.

It is simply too easy to be unkind and to allow the unkindness to cover us like a dark blanket.

Then…I see tiny points of light..of kindness poking through.

The greatest basketball player in the world weeping when shown an image of his teammates saying he was not kind, although effective. Kindness made a difference and broke the heart of a champion. https://twitter.com/i/status/1259664534471614466

A bored actor creates a simple, homemade fake news program to highlight Some Good News, and it becomes an international symbol of all that is right in the world. https://www.facebook.com/SomeGoodNewsSGN/

A child writes a letter to a teacher years down the road and says I am here..graduating…because of you. Thank you.

A dad builds his daughter a graduation stage, or takes her to prom, or to the daddy/daughter dance. https://abcn.ws/2Tje6ip

A mom dances a tiktok with her teenage son, or allows her kids to cover her in makeup, or laughs hysterically at the absurdity of life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygdB-ZE0daY

When we look for them, the images of kindness battling darkness are literally everywhere. When we add to the light, as a community of HUMANS, the light ALWAYS WINS.

As an educator, I have one fundamental task. To prepare the children in front of me to become the leaders, thinkers, innovators, and workers of the future.

Whether I am behind a computer screen, face to face, or in some other, not yet thought of way, in my role as a teacher, I MUST teach my students to wield kindness as a weapon.

I must model kindness as a weapon in the way I treat my family, my co-workers, my administrators, the parents, my community, and my world.

I must face each daunting what if of this time with the answer of “What if…I offer kindness in response?”

I don’t know about you, but wielding kindness as a weapon is exhausting.

My administrators don’t value me….respond with kindness.

A parent bashes me…respond with kindness.

A student mistreats me or his peers…respond with kindness.

A person on social media rants against me…respond with kindness.

I don’t know whether to wear a mask or return to work or stay home…respond with kindness.

I am scared for my future and want to fight for only myself and my family…respond with kindness.

Can you see how challenging kindness as a weapon is? Can you see the cost it takes to put away our fear, resentment, greed, guilt, anger, and hatred to find a way to make kindness my weapon in every moment and in every situation?

So – I call upon us, the educators, to step into the light and be the leaders. If we are to have a role in changing the world from the darkness, negativity, and anger…it will literally depend on us teaching OUR STUDENTS, so that they can teach others…Kindness is your weapon. Now – go and use it!

Here are some resources on kindness if you need a boost on where, how, or why to begin. Let’s start a kindness revolution!

Creating a Community, Distance Learning, Education, Intervention, Self Care, Wellness

Just for Today

Kristine Barberio

I had a really bad couple of days and hit the wall yesterday. Being a teacher, parent, wife, daughter, person..is sometimes just hard. Now, more than ever in this new world of distance learning, it can feel utterly overwhelming. But, after several important things happened, I woke up today ready to start again. I have often described myself as one of those old time punching bags (the blow up kind with the weight in the bottom). You can knock me down, but I will always get back up. This is called RESILIENCE. Resilience has been studied by many people and consistently is found as the game changer for children living in trauma. Resilience can be an innate quality (that survivor instinct) or developed with the support of at least one loving adult. This skill is the most essential one in many settings. Here is a great article from heysigmund.com https://www.heysigmund.com/building-resilience-children/

In times of trauma, overcoming childhood challenges and difficulty, struggles as an educator in a system and with leaders who do not value you, and in a time like this; resilience is a required quality. It is especially needed in this time of global trauma where humans are not always showing their best qualities, particularly here in our divided nation.

Before distance learning, I always felt the hardest months for a teacher were December and May. May is living up to its reputation. I think that administrators are stressed trying to keep things moving forward when they don’t know how. Teachers and support staff are worried about what is next and how to make it work. Parents and Students are trying to come to terms with what an end of a school year looks like without the traditions, events, classroom clean up, and parties. There is a lot to knock us down and our resilience is what matters most. There are two things that have recently been shared on my social media, that to me are the essence of resilience. I have put one at the top and one at the bottom. The basic concept is simple the “Just keep swimming” motto of Dory or the “Put one foot in front of the other” line of the song. Resilience happens in that magical moment when you just can’t keep going on. It is too much. Then, you find the strength to stand back up and take one step. We watched “The Princess Bride” that is now on Disney+ and is one of the best movies ever made (I will take no arguments on this!) This moment is embodied in this scene: https://youtu.be/I73sP93-0xA

Here we are and now more than ever we need to find our own resilience, help each other find resilience, and as educators and parents face the monumental task of providing our children with one loving adult that can be the voice that tells them to just keep swimming. So, once again, how do we find and support resilience?

  1. Be kind – I keep saying it, but kindness is like a magical cure all. Check out this video on the science of kindness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOy_FRMprfo
  2. Foster friendships and relationships – Loneliness and isolation are the ultimate destruction of our resilience. My friends and family stepped into the gap during my recent bad days and whispered in my ear “you got this”. We need to all provide each other in big and small ways with that voice that encourages resilience. With our students, we need to be SO intentional in reaching out to our most vulnerable and providing a rock for them to cling to. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXAg5XdK8ac&list=PLvzOwE5lWqhQWsPsW5PQQ5gj5OBewwgUw&index=5
  3. Allow yourself to wallow – My country grandmother used to say “Sometimes, you just need a good wallow.” Now – for you non-country folks – wallowing is what pigs do in the mud. Just roll around in it and let it cover them in the mess. We MUST acknowledge our fears, pain, sadnesses, and negative feelings in order to release them. This can involve crying, journaling, eating brownies…whatever lets you FEEL the negative so you can let it go. So, occasionally, when it all gets to much, have a good wallow…then pick yourself back up.
  4. The 5 year rule – My mom often says to me “Will this still matter to you in 5 years?” Taking problems that seem to be mountains and deciding if they really are mountains or just little hills that I can get over, fosters resilience. MOST things…end up being hills (or sometimes nothing at all – just my imagined mountains)…so in 5 years, if this will not make a difference in my life, release it and move forward.
  5. Serve others – At the end of the day, there is no greater way to spark your own resilience than by lending a hand to another. Stepping outside of our own struggles and helping another can remind us of all we have to be grateful for.

So – read the prayer at the top out loud to yourself daily. Follow the steps on the quote at the bottom and foster resilience in yourself, your friends and family, and your students.